A couple weeks ago, Patriot had a play date with a girl from his class. Matt went with to chat with her dad. Through their conversation, Matt came to learn this family is Hindu. They began talking about the differences in their faiths and the kids mentioned that their teacher said they aren't allowed to talk about God at school. That caught all the grown-up's attention.
We certainly don't want to start teaching these kindergarteners that their teacher is wrong ... but in this case, she is. We also want to empower our kids to talk openly about their faith and their loving God, even as young as kindergarten. So how do we strike a balance?
In this conversation, we started with creating context. We talked about certain times when it might not be appropriate to talk about God in class. For example, if the teacher is in the middle of a spelling lesson, it may not be the best time to bring up God. I figure as long as the kids aren't disruptive with their comments, their teacher cannot be upset when they mention their personal faith.
Next, we talked about times when he can respectfully to show his faith. An obvious time is praying before lunch. Patriot loves the idea of silently praying -- and God can hear his prayer in his head! (How cool is God!?!) Another time would be at recess. We role played a few situations like "I'm practicing basketball because God gave me the ability to play ball and I want to do the best I can. This was a little awkward to work out, but I think he understood that he can talk about God in regular conversation at school.
Since that talk, Patriot has reported a couple of times he mentioned God at school and didn't get in trouble -- I think he was a little surprised by that! I haven't talked with his teacher about this yet. I'd really like to see Patriot learn to navigate his witness himself. And I'm thrilled he's in a position to start learning that process at such a young age. If he can practice this basic skill now, imagine how powerful he can be as a teenager!
I have been shocked and disappointed by the number of bullying tragedies in the last few weeks. There has been college cyber-bullying. A dad facing charges for defending his daughter against bus bullies. And a 13-year-old who committed suicide after being bullied at school. Each of the stories I've heard lately have focused on the victims and talked about how parents and schools need to protect kids from bullies. Although this is true, I don't think it's the solution to the problem.
To solve, or at least improve, the bullying problem, parents need to teach their kids not to be bullies.
I know, we all say "My kids would never bully another child!" But every bully has parents, and often those parents don't know their kid is a bully until things get out of hand. So what's a parent to do? Here are my thoughts:
Teach children the importance of others. Instead of landing at "You are special" or "God made and loves you" take it a step further to "God made and loves every person." It's a slight, but important, difference. When you're driving in the car, point out people who look different than you and ask your child if God loves that person. Of course He does! And since God loves that person, that person should be important to us.
Give your children opportunities to interact with people different than him. Intentionally play sports with kids of a different color. Set up play dates with the kids at school or in the neighborhood whose family practices a different faith than you. In the privacy of your own home talk about how some people are different than us. Some of those differences are designed by God, some of those differences are our choosing, some differences (like handicaps) could be from accidents. Be specific about the same and different characteristics in their new friends. But end the conversation with "Even though they're different than us, does God still love them? Then they should be important to us."
Teach your kids to respect their bodies, and the bodies of others. Show her pictures or drawings of the skeletal or nervous system. Be amazed together at how our body heals itself when we get a cut or scrape. Wonder at the amazing bodies God created for us. Since our bodies are so wonderful, we need to treat them with respect, which means not hitting, pushing, etc.
Help your child develop ways to deal with anger. We all have times when we get upset, but we can't allow ourselves to take that anger out on others. Maybe it's as simple as counting to 10. Maybe your child needs a Bible verse to repeat. If he's a particularly physical kid, maybe he needs to hit a pillow or go for a run in the yard to blow off steam -- or sign him up for football to give him a healthy outlet for that physicality.
These four strategies cannot be taught in one day. They must be a part of the ongoing conversation you're having with your kids. But if more of us can use the time we have with our kids intentionally, we can cut back on the number of bullying victims in this generation.
Now that Patriot is in full-time school and I've started working outside the home, we've seen a major change in our daily schedule. Of his waking hours, he spends 7 at school, 2 in after-school care, and 3 constructive hours with us as a family (I'm not counting things like brushing teeth and riding the school bus). Part of that constructive time is making and eating breakfast and dinner, and about 45 minutes a day is homework. Yes, homework. In Kindergarten.
I am a big believer in education. I truly believe that learning to learn is a huge factor in future success. Our public school systems may not be perfect, but I think succeeding in public school helps kids learn how to succeed in the world after school. But daily homework in Kindergarten seems like a little much.
We had our first teacher conference last week and his teacher said he's doing great. She's giving him extra work in class because he's advancing so quickly in reading and writing. She said he's one of the top kids in his class. Then she handed us a full-page list of EXTRA activities, customized to Patriot's skill level, that we can complete with him at home. In addition to our regular homework.
Seriously?
In an average week, Patriot spends about 1 hour at church. We try to spend about 15 minutes every morning doing "God Time," a brief devotional that our church sends home each week. We pray together for about 15 seconds before dinner every night. We read a Bible story before bed about 4 times a week. And we say a prayer when we tuck them in at night.
I'm not going to do the math because it would probably make me cry. But his number of minutes spent on school far outweigh the number of minutes we spend on faith-building. And now we're being asked to do more school activities? I am not OK with this.
So we've made a change this week. I talked with his day care about doing homework with him before we pick him up. That gives us back those 45 minutes a day. And I've made the conscious decision to not do the extra activities with him. Instead of talking about the difference between a period and an exclamation point, I'm going to talk about Godly virtues like respect or courage (or whatever they're teaching at church that month). Instead of taking time to build his math skills, I'm going to teach him to build his relationships within the family and with friends.
I am not going to spend my time doing activities with him that anyone else could do. I am going to use my time with him to teach him the things that only I can teach.
So Azlan continues to entertain us with his music. His latest favorite is to "mashup" his favorite songs all into one. BTW, don't judge me when you hear what his favorite songs are ...
So that was "Baby" by Justin Bieber, "Battlefield" by Jordin Sparks, "Hey Soul Sister" by Train, all concluded with a rousing rendition of "Space Jam" by Quad City DJs.
He did this completely on his own, even his own choreography. Since we took this video, he's started working on a Mashup of his favorite Bibleman songs. Not sure I'll be able to talk Matt into recording that ...
